Life and Stuff

So, when life is knocking me down and making me feel unsure about whether it is all worth it and what it all means I like to sit down with a cup of coffee (today it is pumpkin spice from Dunkin - I love fall) and read through my blog and remember the events that gave rise to each post.  I have been many things in my life so far.  I have been a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a mother.  I have worked as a secretary, a paralegal, a sales associate, a waitress and a manager.  I have always been defined by what I did or who I was to someone else.  I have reached that point in my life, after many years of being that "defined" person, when it is time for me to define who I am.  I love my children very much.  With all of their challenges and frustrations and everything else that they sometimes put their mother through, I still look back over their lives and am so very happy to be their mommy.  I only have Emme at home now.  There are many days that she gives me a great deal of my purpose - raising her, sharing her life with her, trying to help her grow in to the person she will become - but underneath all of that I have also discovered a very strong need to figure out just who I am, just exactly what do I want and, ultimately, how do I get myself there.

It promises to be an interesting journey which I sure will have a mix of bumpy, twisted and windy roads, but in the end I am sure it will take me to where I need to go.

In the last couple of years so many changes have taken place in my life.  People have left my life, others have come into my life, some of those have also left and there are days that the sadness is overwhelming.  It is on those days, when the sadness is so overwhelming, that I need to take a step back, inhale deeply, and remember just how far I have come and remember the strength it took to see me through.  It is that strength which I sometimes forget I have that I need to draw on to carry me the rest of the way.

I hope that those who love me continue to love me, continue to pray for me and think of me often on my journey.  Although it is a journey I must take alone having those who love you think of you, pray for you and wish good things for you can send you the energy needed when yours is running low.

I am not a patient person.  I know this.  I must practice patience, learn to embrace the waiting and then one day the reward will be that much better because I will appreciate it for having endured the wait.  Here's to ME.  Here's to my journey -- good thing I packed a pair of comfy shoes :)