New Year

We have now completed our first week of school.  Summer is officially over.  We are in the throws of nightly homework, back to school nights, spelling tests, etc., etc., etc.,
Summer went so fast, AGAIN.  I am no closer to completing, or even beginning, the personal growth journey that I once talked about.  Each school year when the older kids were young we would sit around the dinner table and talk about our new year's resolutions -- for us we always made new "school year" resolutions instead of trying to come up with resolutions at the end of winter break just in time for mid-terms.
I have decided that with the new school year it is a good time for me to come up with some resolutions for me.  This year has been hard, with a lot of emotional ups and down, most of which have been created or at least prolonged by me, making my suffering my own fault.  That's got to be the worst kind.  The suffering you bring on yourself, against your better judgment, for reasons unknown -- then you sit and beat yourself up over the suffering you have created for yourself -- it's a circle of angst and pain and sadness.  It is time for a clearing our -- a clearing out and ridding of all the painful behaviors and habits that bring me down, keep me from finding joy in my life where I used to be able to find pure bliss on a daily basis.
Today I am thankful that my four children are healthy.
Today I am thankful that the weather was beautiful and I was able to sit outside at lunch and listen to a band playing in LOVE park
Today I am thankful that I still have good friends who love me, are concerned about me and my happiness and who tolerate me when sometimes I don't know if I can even stand myself.
Today I am thankful that it is Friday and I can spend the next two days reorganizing my house and do a physical as well as emotional clensing.
Today I am thankful for hugs and kisses from my 7 year old little girl who still thinks her mommy is the best.

I'll worry about tomorrow's list tomorrow and I'll worry about the challenges I will face and the hurdles I will need to overcome when I face them, and not anymore today.